On Sunday I went to a video game themed bar in Vancouver, BC. (EXP Bar) with my friend Chelsey. While talking with a couple I met there they asked about my Wife. When I replied that she was at home having a date with our baby the conversation quickly turned to whether Rose is jealous of my being out.
I’ll save you most of the rambling that happened that night and boil it down to this: “Sometimes, and that is both good and okay.” I know that sound mean, but bear with me while I explain.
Jealousy Is Interesting
Jealousy is a very interesting feeling because it is an extension of a feeling of desire: desire for time, desire for attention, desire for an activity…you get the point. It is also one of the few emotions that is easy to fix, if you take the time to examine what the jealousy is directed at. What makes you jealous will tell you a lot about how you should present your desires and what is important to ask of your partners and friends.
Jealousy Can Help You Get What You Want
So, jealousy is a feeling, and I think that feelings are always okay; problems arise in how you deal with them. As long as your enactment of your jealousy isn’t something destructive, it can be salvaged for the good of your relationships. If you are jealous because you want to go dancing and your partner had an opportunity to do so without you, the constructive way to deal with it is tell them. Use the words I like and I want you when you do it.
Like and Want
“I like dancing, I want you to go dancing with me next weekend.” In that statement you are telling your partner what you want to do AND that you want to do it expressly with them. You are slipping a compliment in with the solution to your desire–because you are expressing a desire that is about them. The other advice I’m going to give on this is that you should use this discussion additively; make it in addition to the thing that made you feel the jealousy, not instead of.
Let Jealousy Remind You
When you feel jealous let it be a reminder to express desire. Let it be a reminder to reconnect with the things that you like about your friends and partners. Use it as an excuse to say something sweet, instead of an excuse to do something mean.
Photo Credit: alles-shlumpf