Van full of chaos

I thought that living in a van would force me to live in a more organized fashion. I thought that having only 72 square feet would make me place a higher priority on “a place for everything, everything in its place.” Are you surprised to learn that I was totally wrong?

There are some things that always go in their proper place. The kiddo’s safety seat, for example. There’s one appropriate place for it, and that’s where it stays. Almost anything else, though… well, it’s kind of a crap shoot.

This experience has been really education for me, about the way that we live. I am, on my own, a fairly untidy person. Carlos tells me that there was a time when he kept his home neat, but that’s not really something that I’ve ever seen. So, we started with two messy adults, added a baby and a dog, and took everything we own out on the road.

Our life is messy.

We have some organization, boxes and bungees and bags with single purposes, but all of that is no match for the total level of chaos that we seem to generate. It gives me a little angst when people want to see where we live, because I want to have something better, tidier, to show them. I want to have the kind of home that welcomes people in at a moment’s notice, and this is not that. But ultimately, I think that there’s something good about that, too.

Carlos and I set out on this journey to do something very specific together. We are working on our project, and also on our selves. We found our way to this adventure because of the time that we have invested in the relationship we share. This sounds a little narcissistic, but the van, and this journey, have forced us to build some space that really is del Rios-only, and I am happy for that. I do wish that the inside of our little bubble were tidier, but I also have confidence that we’ll get to that place, eventually. Until then, I am thankful for the reminder that we can share our life and still have some places that belong to us alone. And I’m glad for the goal of making our next (permanent) place the kind of open and welcoming space that we love to build.

2 thoughts on “Van full of chaos”

  1. Thank you for sharing these lovely sentiments. I think everyone wishes something in life came more naturally to them. Untidiness is far from the worst of shortcomings. Grandma always said it was harder to keep a small space looking tidy. The two of you are organized in some important ways, so the stuff scattered around is not really a metaphor for your life.

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