Scariest Thing

About this time last year I was sitting on a secret. An incredible, life altering secret. I was going to be someone’s father within the next year. We knew that Rockford was coming, we had seen his heart, we were still calling him Blueberry Danger.

Because of this I was wrestling with one of the biggest decisions of my life: how am I going to support my Family. Not just my sullen dog and cranky wife, but what turns out to be my cranky mohawked son. I did something that I thought I would never do again, I applied for a job. It was a cool job, in my reckoning, and it was in Canada.

Like many Americans I had been threatening to move to Canada for many years. I had even briefly negotiated with a woman from Victoria, BC in 1999 about the possibility of marriage. Her name was Sarita; we met in Monte Verde, Costa Rica. But, those stars didn’t align. For over a decade I was sad about that, it always seemed like a fork in the road where I went the wrong direction. Now it seemed I had an excuse to correct this error,  to go boldly where I suspected I should have gone before, in my other life when I was pursuing the most basic me–in the shadow of my father’s death.

In that drift through the year after my dad died I kind of melted away and ended up on the path that I was on, feeling like maybe I was too much the path I was on and not enough like the person I imagine myself as.

In the end the stars still haven’t aligned for Canada. The job wasn’t the right fit, but I did meet some very important and meaningful people. It has been an important adventure. So, now with the new year Rose and I are taking on our biggest challenge, and forcing the dog and baby to come along for the ride.

We are selling everything. All the beds, all the furniture, almost all the electronics, all but the most essential kitchen supplies, all but the most essential books and clothes. We are buying a motorhome and a REALLY big data plan.

I want to see you again

Reconnecting and Writing

Over the next year my goal is visit all of our family: every sibling, every aunt and uncle, every cousin, every person we love and don’t see enough, every person that feels they don’t see enough of us, and as many of the people who want to meet us as possible. We hope to start and renew meaningful relationships in the process.

During our trip I will continue to do online consulting. But, we will also be conducting interviews with whoever wants to be part of our joint-project for the year. Rose and I are going to write a book about relationships and family–real ones, not tropes and stereotypes.
The birth of our child has made us both have a different perspective on our relationships and our lives (both together and individually) and we want to enter into the next era of our lives in a more people focused way–by learning from and sharing new experience with the people we meet and visit on the journey. We would like to share a meal, or a conversation with you. We want to know how you see the world and share honestly with you about our lives and challenges.

8 thoughts on “Scariest Thing”

  1. This is very exciting! I think Erica might want to go with you. Sounds like a dream for her. Let me know when you head to Seattle. I want to share a meal (or 2) with you guys. <3

    1. Audrey, we definitely will! It’s been too long since we’ve seen your Serious Baby (Serious Toddler, now!) and his mamas. <3

  2. In many Western cultures, romantic relationships are voluntary. We are free to decide whom to date and form life-long romantic relationships. In some Eastern cultures these decisions may be made by parents, or elders in the community, based on what is good for the family or social group. Even in Western societies, not everyone holds the same amount of freedom and power to determine their relational partner. Parents or society may discourage interracial, interfaith, or interclass relationships. People whose relational preference is for the same sex suffer legal, political, economic, and social restrictions when making choices about marrying and having children. Given that much of the research on how romantic relationships develop is based on relationships in the West, we use Wood’s definition to define romantic relationships as, “voluntary relationships between unique individuals that the partners assume will be primary and continuing parts of their lives” (p. 343).

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